What the shit?

The world is full of horrible, horrible things. Poverty, child abuse, violence, corruption, racism, genocide… you’d be hard pressed to open a newspaper without being bombarded by the wretched monstrosities which mankind has cast upon itself. But here at I Hate Everything we’re hitting the big targets and tackling the real issues – like people who walk too slowly, Asians with annoying names, or mobile phones without the word “titties” in their dictionaries. We’re fighting the good fight, the only way we know how: by bitching about it to some degenerates on the internet (that’s you, by the way).

Part exercise in web/community development, part virtual stress ball, part response to other shitty blogs (I’m kidding, guys. It’s not your fault you’re about as exciting as freshly photocopied paper), I Hate Everything is rude, crude, and politically incorrect. It’s not for the faint of heart, or for those who can’t understand that we’re joking and going to exaggerate (or even invent entirely) our frustration to make it more entertaining to read. If you’re offended by what you read here, it’s probably best to just, you know, stop taking it seriously. We’re not here to start “attacking” people; just poking stupid fun or playing off of stereotypes. When it comes down to it we’re actually pretty nice guys. Except for Sam, he’s a dick. No I’m not. Yes you are. Whatever. Fuck you.

Internet Spoilers

Posted by James on 26/08/09 at 9:00 pm

I hate when people spoil endings or twists on the internet.

As the sloth plus lover of good writing that I am, it’s so overwhelmingly frustrating whenever I get my favorite show, book or movie spoiled.

Since when did people think it was socially acceptable to write “[MAIN CHARACTER] IS DEAD!” after something has just come out? In plain sight? AS A FUCKING THREAD TITLE TWO HOURS AFTER THE SHOW WAS ON TV?

Of course it’s worse for TV shows, it’s all because fucking Americans are so damn ignorant. What these cocksuckers forget while they stumble across the internet spurting out pop culture trivia in a drunken stupor is that the WEB is WORLD WIDE. People everywhere in superior-yet-just-slightly-lagging-nations such as Australia can read EVERYTHING YOU FUCKING TYPE.

You would be far less likely to spoil a book or a movie because you know not everybody may have read it or seen it yet. But once it’s been on TV, everyone must have seen it right? There’s no way that someone living in another country might enjoy that program, or are waiting for it on DVD, or they recorded it to watch later! (By which I mean downloaded illegally off of the internet of course).

How would you like it if we started spoiling things for you? Something that America does not yet know, but that the rest of the world does? SPOILER ALERT: Before long you’re going to get fucked over from every single angle. The government will dominate the economy and the economy will dominate the people and the people will dominate the hospitals as they get so grotesquely obese and unhealthy that you all just can’t cope anymore. And the whole thing will be dominated by the Chinese or the Iranians and the Koreans or whoever gets angry enough and nuclear enough first. And it’s not all a dream in the end.

And don’t worry, Americans, I’m only joking. You’ll totally be fine. For sure.

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